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School and Routines
By mstrohm | October 2, 2007
In counseling with parents whose families are suffering from lack of routines, I have observed that they often believe the circumstances that lead to the chaos are outside of their control. While life’s circumstances occasionally force us to put aside routines for a time, typically those circumstances are temporary. It is often within our power to make changes which will lead to less chaos. Here is how to start on the path to better routines and less chaos.
First, remember that effective routines are made up of smaller steps or decisions. Your family is not late to church because the kids did not get into the car in time. Getting upset that your children did not get in the car 30 minutes before church is silly if they were not set up to succeed. Examine what went wrong beginning the night before! Were expectations set? Were clothes set out? Were alarms set? Did everyone know their bathroom time? OK, you get the point.
Second, give yourself plenty of time to succeed. Will the routine take 30 minutes? Then don’t wait until just 30 minutes before the deadline to begin. Years ago I knew a teacher who was late for school at least once a week. She always had a “valid” excuse. “Would you believe all 4 lights were red this morning?” “I had to stop for gas this morning.” “The dog ran out to chase the neighbor cat and would not come back for several minutes.” Actually, had this teacher left 10 minutes earlier each day she would not have been late due to any of these delays.
Examine each routine you would like to establish, list all the small actions needed and plan for enough time to allow for success. Make sure your children know what you want and how each child can help keep the routine. Plan in a small reward when routines are accomplished. We allowed our children 30 minutes of reading in bed if they “brushed and flushed” and were in their night clothes by a set time. It was a daily, instant reward!
Honestly, routines come more easily for some families, and for others establishing routines will be a lifelong struggle. If you struggle, don’t be discouraged. Remember that the rewards of routines are worth the fight.
Mark and Ellen Strohm
Topics: From Ellen, From Mark, Parenting | No Comments »