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Parenting Isn’t For Cowards
By mstrohm | November 4, 2007
As a school principal, I meet with parents weekly who talk to me about their difficulties in parenting. Boys getting into punching matches while dad is away on business, girls sneaking online to post swear words on their friend’s sites, children stealing items from stores, and the list goes on. I listen to parents of elementary schoolers who are ready to give up! Don’t ever give up on your child.
Truly, parenting is not for cowards! Children are a blessing, but that blessing is at times marred by the sin nature. Here is the advice I give to parents who are going through a difficult time due to a child’s poor choices:
1. Decide that you ARE a key to helping and training your child to make good choices. When a parent tells me “If only I could help” I realize that they are disconnected from the fact that parents are meant to disciple and protect their child. If your child was outside in a raging thunderstorm you would not say “If only I could help,” rather you would get them inside where it is safe.
2. Spend time with your child and clearly tell them what you expect. Talk to your child about God’s laws and why we need to follow them. God gave us His laws because He is a loving God and wants what is best for us. Tell your child that when he cannot make good choices you need to step in and help him avoid situations where he is tempted. The more he makes good choices, the more freedom he will receive.
3. Avoid any conversation about your being offended or personally hurt. If you are hurt, talk to God about it. Their actions are not about you or your reputation.
4. Don’t spend time blaming yourself for your child’s poor decision. Instead, examine what factors contributed to this poor decision. Was it: Failure to adequately address previous fighting? Unmonitored and unfiltered internet access? Shopping with an acquaintance who shoplifts? Whatever contributed to the problem – fix what you can!
Note: If your child was given an opportunity to make a wrong choice due to a poor choice on your part, then apologize to your child and to God and ask God for His grace.
5. Remind your child of God’s love. Nothing he can do can interfere with the love of God (and hopefully your love as well.) Remind him that every wrong action one does is actually done against God. Do not sidestep the importance of being broken before God. However, if your child appears to be broken before God, do not fail to protect and limit their ability to make wrong choices.
6. Do not allow arguing or excessive explanations. Help them understand why they are being punished, but don’t expect them to be happy about it. Remember, consequences will be a deterrent to future wrong choices.
As a parent, there are times your child’s actions will bring joy and sometimes they will bring difficulties you would rather forget! Remember, your parents went through the same trials and joys. May God use you in mighty ways during those difficult times! (Did I say don’t ever give up?)
May God’s grace and peace be with you,
Mark and Ellen Strohm
Topics: From Ellen, From Mark, Parenting | 2 Comments »
November 4th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
This is an excellent challenge to every parent! Thank you for the reminder. There is a real temptation to forget the battle we’re in. C.S. Lewis portrayed the “slumber” we can so easily fall into in “The Silver Chair.” Through the use of her “magic,” the witch caused a group of would-be rescuers to start believing her lies and deception. They had all been lulled into a trance-like state and the battle looked like it was lost. It took a brave marshwiggle named Puddleglum stepping on a hot ember, which caused searing pain through his body, to bring him and the rest of the group back to the reality of the battle they were in. The spell of the witch now broken, the rescuers were able to complete the mission Aslan sent them on. Whatever it takes, we need to ask God to make us keenly aware of the battle and not forget the battle that is before us.
A pastor friend of mine said that if someone were to break into his house there would be “signs of struggle”–overturned tables, broken lamps, etc. In other words, someone would not bring injury to his family without his fighting with everything in him to protect the ones he loves. Yet that is so often what we let Satan do in our families. The gauntlet has already been thrown down; will we be courageous enough to engage the enemy or simply let him have his way? We’re not alone, either, as God has made His will clear on the role of parents protecting their kids and nurturing them in the ways of the Lord.
May 7th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Thank you for these great reminders. Honestly, as a mom I sometimes feels like giving up for my children. There are times that I can’t handle the situation and what I’m gonna do is just to let them do whatever they want them to do. By the end of the day their hugs replace my frustrations. Well I guess this how parents should be.
-Jan