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Picky Eaters
By mstrohm | September 25, 2011
It is the classic Mother – Child struggle. You know what your child should be eating, but he does not want to eat what you have cooked. My 80 year old father was a picky eater as a young child. A testament to the reality that this mom-child struggle has been going on for a long time. Can moms win this battle? Is it worth the fight?
First, let me state that there are children with oral or tactile defensiveness. For parents struggling with these specific issues, you will need to compensate in the early years. This article is not for you. If you do a google search for oral defensive issues or tactile defensive eating issues you should be able to find many helpful articles for this physical condition.
Many children do not suffer from oral defensiveness issues but still give their parents a hard time when it comes to eating foods with certain tastes or textures. Moms, you know your children. I suggest you try to understand if your child fits into one of the following categories:
Strong Willed – The strong willed child who is a picky eater desires to be in control of his or her choices. Foods may be disliked, or they may not be preferred. Either way, the strong willed child wants to decide what foods to eat. Typically he or she will not make wise choices.
Here are some methods to try for the strong willed child:
Let you child know that there are times he or she will be given some choice, and other times no choice will be given. If you are at home, you can give children some flexibility, but when eating out or at a friend’s house, he or she will not have a choice. Tie the right to make future choices directly to his or her obeying and eating when no choice is given.
When at home, give your child some “choices” so they feel in control. Here is how I suggest you do this without causing yourself “extra” work.
First, give them “either-or” choices. A child should not be given the opportunity to outright deny a food or food group. You are the parent! You decide what they should eat based on your knowledge and your decision on what is best for your child. But, there are still choices. Here is my suggestion on how to present choices. Say you are going to serve carrots. If you typically slice them and cook them, give your child the following “either-or” choice. “Would you like 1 spoon full of cooked carrots with your father and I or would you like to have eat 1/2 a raw carrot?”
You can also give choices after a minimum amount of food eaten. Try the 4 spoonfuls of food rule. If you are serving meatloaf, mash potatoes and green beans, tell your child they must have at least 4 spoons full of food. You will serve them 1 spoon of meatloaf, one of mash potatoes and one of green beans. Now, give them a choice of which food they would like the 4th spoonful to come from. But they must eat all of the food given to them in order to get a special “treat” or dessert. Also, let them know that they must eat the 3 spoons of food you served in order to get up from the table. A little creativity and forethought can save you battles, but recognize that sooner or later you and your strong willed child will battle. Be loving but firm and stick to what you know to be right.
Fear of New Things – Some children have a fear of anything new. While this may seem minor compared to the strong willed child, a child with fears can be very trying to a parent. If the fear is strong enough to disrupt the emotional capacity it takes to face new experiences any and all new foods will present a real struggle to parents.
The key to helping this child is to give him or her an opportunity to adjust to the thought of a new food. Let them know that a new food will be served. You may want to incentivize new foods with a special reward or special desert. You can also make a game of the experience of trying new foods. Have each family member describe what they think the food tastes like. You can even play up who gets to try the food first, etc. Another way to deal with the fear of a new food is to have your fearful child guess what they think the food will taste like. If they verbalize their fear of what the food will taste like, take the opportunity to reassure them and remind them of any incentives you are offering.
Strong Reaction – Some children really don’t like certain tastes. I would guess many adults can remember certain foods that they disliked. You may be able to work hard and “force” your child to eat certain foods, but often your efforts do little more than teach your child how to endure the whole process.
Here are my suggestions:
Acknowledge that your child does not like the food you have cooked. But do not make an alternative for your picky eater. Instead, give your picky eater an alternative that does not cause you work. In our family if one of my children did not want what my wife made, they were given the opportunity to make their own sandwich. If they did not like the vegetable, they were allowed to make themselves a salad.
Besides the alternative, my wife would also work with the child to find a way that the “troublesome” food would be acceptable. A few of my children would not eat cooked broccoli, but they liked raw broccoli with ranch dressing. Because it did not take any more work to leave some uncooked broccoli to the side we agreed to this alternative. One daughter disliked chicken so my wife would figured out what chicken recipes she liked. We did not always make her requests, but we certainly tried to mix up the chicken recipes.
Finally, don’t allow your child to refuse nutritious food and then partake in sugary and less nutritious snacks or desserts. If your child refuses to eat and won’t work with your on an acceptable alternative, then let them go without. No child will starve while food is around. Even if it is food they do not want.
Once your child eats at the table with your family it is time to teach him your family rules. If your child develops into a picky eater, take heart with the fact that you are not alone. With some work and preparation you should be able to make it through those picky years without too many troubles.
Topics: From Mark, Parenting | No Comments »