Comments for Loving Limits http://colossians2.com Encouragement and Hope for Parents Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:09:13 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 Comment on You Can Enjoy Clean Movies! by clearplay cp007 http://colossians2.com/2007/07/07/you-can-enjoy-clean-movies/#comment-1331 clearplay cp007 Fri, 27 Jun 2008 20:18:01 +0000 http://colossians2.com/2007/07/07/you-can-enjoy-clean-movies/#comment-1331 [...] DVD player. ... Click here to check it out: clearplay DVD Player with Filtering - cp007 USB ...http://colossians2.com/2007/07/07/you-can-enjoy-clean-movies/Clearplay - CP 007 USB DVD Player Review at Viewpoints.com - &quotGreat ...Clearplay - CP 007 USB [...] [...] DVD player. … Click here to check it out: clearplay DVD Player with Filtering - cp007 USB …http://colossians2.com/2007/07/07/you-can-enjoy-clean-movies/Clearplay - CP 007 USB DVD Player Review at Viewpoints.com - &quotGreat …Clearplay - CP 007 USB [...]

]]> Comment on Non Punitive Parenting? by mstrohm http://colossians2.com/2007/09/08/non-punitive-parenting/#comment-1282 mstrohm Fri, 30 May 2008 13:12:45 +0000 http://colossians2.com/2007/09/08/non-punitive-parenting/#comment-1282 Makana, Once again, your argument completely depends on the false belief that parents are either loving and supportive OR punitive. Just is not so! Klmeyer, You falsely believe that this is a "spanking" argument. Once again, that simply is not so. I think so many people are over simplifying this in an effort to rate "good" or "bad" instead of looking hard at what is or is not being said by the "non punitive" discipline movement. I continue to strongly believe it is impossible to both hold a child accountable and to do it without any "non punitive" action. Sooner or later you will have to come across in a negative way OR you will have to give in to one of your rules or limits or guidance points. In multiple discussions I have yet to find a single person who has not. Not one. Mark Makana,
Once again, your argument completely depends on the false belief that parents are either loving and supportive OR punitive. Just is not so!

Klmeyer,
You falsely believe that this is a “spanking” argument. Once again, that simply is not so.

I think so many people are over simplifying this in an effort to rate “good” or “bad” instead of looking hard at what is or is not being said by the “non punitive” discipline movement. I continue to strongly believe it is impossible to both hold a child accountable and to do it without any “non punitive” action. Sooner or later you will have to come across in a negative way OR you will have to give in to one of your rules or limits or guidance points. In multiple discussions I have yet to find a single person who has not. Not one.

Mark

]]> Comment on Non Punitive Parenting? by Makana http://colossians2.com/2007/09/08/non-punitive-parenting/#comment-1281 Makana Thu, 29 May 2008 23:44:09 +0000 http://colossians2.com/2007/09/08/non-punitive-parenting/#comment-1281 Punitive parenting may work....but will only get temporary results as it has negative long term effects on children. 4 major long term effects is that it can negatively affect a child’s self-esteem, it could offset a negative relationship between the child and the punisher. The child may also begin to act out hostility to other children like bullying or picking on smaller or younger children and finally, the undesirable behavior may even occur more often instead of less often. GUIDANCE is the strategy that should be used because in the long run, guidance teaches children to resolve problems and conflicts in socially acceptable ways. Through guidance, positive and long term results can occur when parents develop a strong sense of trust and respect with children so that they feel safe and not condemned for making mistakes. When our children make mistakes, we should use those mistakes as teachable moments. We are all life long/time learners and we all make mistakes, even parents! We just have to teach children to learn from them! Punishing a child with consequences such as spankings or time outs does not teach a child how to solve that problem; instead it punishes them for having a problem which they don't know how to solve. Guidance and logical consequences teaches a child, in the long run, that I have choices to make in life. There are good choices and not so good choices, each with logical consequences. We allow our children to make mistakes and learn from the consequences and in doing so we give our child a sense of control in his or her world by allowing that child to experience the consequences or making his or her choices. The reason we do this is because when our children are still living with us, we want them to make these mistakes while they are still under our roof where we can guide and help them understand those consequences so that they will make better choices when they are no longer in our house but on their own. Adults in our society, who make mistakes and has extreme behaviors, pay the consequences by getting arrested which sometimes leads to incarceration. Many of these people came from childhoods and pasts that were very painful, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps if their parents used guidance instead of punishments they would have learned the logical consequences to their actions which would have taught them to make good, intelligent and ethical choices as adults. I understand that the Bible describes discipline by “using the rod” but I also believe that just like technology is constantly changing because of new and updated research, so has the years of current research regarding child development. Evidence based research has shown that firm yet loving, non punitive parenting based on trust and respect that relies on logical consequences, empower children leading them in becoming adults who get along with one another and are able to resolve conflicts and problem solve in acceptable ways. I truly believe that parents do the best they can raising their children with what they know and so I just wanted share what I know in hopes it might educate and enlighten parents on the long term negative effects on punishments vs. effective guidance. Punishment often times shames and angers a child, it teaches hate and judgment where as effective guidance prepares a child with the life skills needed as an adult and keeps his or her self-esteem and self worth intact. Punitive parenting may work….but will only get temporary results as it has negative long term effects on children. 4 major long term effects is that it can negatively affect a child’s self-esteem, it could offset a negative relationship between the child and the punisher. The child may also begin to act out hostility to other children like bullying or picking on smaller or younger children and finally, the undesirable behavior may even occur more often instead of less often. GUIDANCE is the strategy that should be used because in the long run, guidance teaches children to resolve problems and conflicts in socially acceptable ways. Through guidance, positive and long term results can occur when parents develop a strong sense of trust and respect with children so that they feel safe and not condemned for making mistakes. When our children make mistakes, we should use those mistakes as teachable moments. We are all life long/time learners and we all make mistakes, even parents! We just have to teach children to learn from them! Punishing a child with consequences such as spankings or time outs does not teach a child how to solve that problem; instead it punishes them for having a problem which they don’t know how to solve. Guidance and logical consequences teaches a child, in the long run, that I have choices to make in life. There are good choices and not so good choices, each with logical consequences. We allow our children to make mistakes and learn from the consequences and in doing so we give our child a sense of control in his or her world by allowing that child to experience the consequences or making his or her choices. The reason we do this is because when our children are still living with us, we want them to make these mistakes while they are still under our roof where we can guide and help them understand those consequences so that they will make better choices when they are no longer in our house but on their own. Adults in our society, who make mistakes and has extreme behaviors, pay the consequences by getting arrested which sometimes leads to incarceration. Many of these people came from childhoods and pasts that were very painful, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps if their parents used guidance instead of punishments they would have learned the logical consequences to their actions which would have taught them to make good, intelligent and ethical choices as adults. I understand that the Bible describes discipline by “using the rod” but I also believe that just like technology is constantly changing because of new and updated research, so has the years of current research regarding child development. Evidence based research has shown that firm yet loving, non punitive parenting based on trust and respect that relies on logical consequences, empower children leading them in becoming adults who get along with one another and are able to resolve conflicts and problem solve in acceptable ways. I truly believe that parents do the best they can raising their children with what they know and so I just wanted share what I know in hopes it might educate and enlighten parents on the long term negative effects on punishments vs. effective guidance. Punishment often times shames and angers a child, it teaches hate and judgment where as effective guidance prepares a child with the life skills needed as an adult and keeps his or her self-esteem and self worth intact.

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